I'm an underachiever

and that's the truth of it all.

This past Thursday, I met a real live bona fide barred homeschooling mom lawyer.  Phew!  Say that three times fast.

I think back story is needed.  And in the great tradition of my ninth grade history teacher,

"Let me tell you a Stir-ry."

So this homeschool mom tells us how she was home contemplating life and was actually on her way to law school when romance started.

From that moment on, every other homeschool mom I met was an almost lawyer.  Whether they met a rancher that sidetracked their plans or whether they accidentally got pregnant and had to delay their life goals, and myriad other reasons, they were headed for greatness.

It's become kind of a trendy catch phrase.  Go ahead.  Try it on.  "I was headed to law school."  Ooo how slippery.

So this past Thursday, I was talking with a homeschool mom that I love.  She's a totally unassuming, down-to-earth, kind person.  So when, in the course of our conversation, she said, "I went to law school", my hackles started rising and my bullshit meter was ready for action.  But it turns out she really did finish law school and passed the bar in another state.

And there probably isn't a real point to my story except that I never had any intention of going to law school, whether real or imaginary.

Then again, I'd sound so much more cool and motivated if I did. 

~R

My Parachute Has Holes

Forget about figuring out the color and because of that, I've spent about 10 years in college.

Oooo, you must be saying.  What did you study?  You must have a PhD by now.

In reality, I have five, that's right, five associate's degrees.  Whoopee, right.

In order:

• Business Administration - took this because when I finally got out of the Navy, I could a get a job anywhere with this magic degree.  Then decided it was lame and stopped at the AS.
• Accounting - once again, who doesn't need an accountant.  I'm good with numbers, I like order.  Nah. Not so much. Besides, some of our taxes are unconstitutional and piss me off.
• Nutrition (certification) - and then I spent 180 hours in the hospital interning and realized the FDA is full of shit and gastric bypass patients have trouble eating a 1/4 cup of anything resulting in a return to the hospital where the staff call them "frequent flyers" behind their backs.
• Nutrition (transfer) - did this in tandem with the certification because ODU promised me I could get my master's in tandem with my undergrad in Human Services.  And the only college that offered an RD only offers the courses when the professors feel like it.  My short attention span doesn't work like that. See above.
• Interior Design - was a three year degree and by the time I finished I was thinking about homeschooling. 
• Oh and I almost forgot to mention all the art classes that I've taken and probably qualify for a degree for that too.

So, here I sit.  Contemplating going back to school just so I can say I did it.  I started looking for the degree that would require the least amount of work.  What?  I homeschool my boys.  Like I have time for this.

Typical BN:  If you are going back to school, at least get a degree that you can use, like Photography.

Typical Me:  Photographers don't need degrees.  They need a good eye and a camera.  And I have both.

The thing is, I have no intention of going back to work.  Not that I'm not employable or perfectly capable of self-sufficiency.  But by the time my kids are are both gone, I'll be 52.  I plan to finally sit on the sofa, eating bon bons, watching smut TV all day and greeting my husband at the door in nothing but an apron.  I jest.

But it still bugs me that I never finished school.  Hmmm.  I'll have to keep thinking about this.

~R

Extreme Photography

I may need a new hobby.

Tuesday before last, the moon was gorgeous.  Low in the horizon, slight orange tint.  Gorgeous!

So, I put on the telephoto glass, extended my tripod out fully and proceed to walk down the first set of steps on our deck for a better vantage point.

I missed the last step.  Rolled my right ankle over my toes.  Not to the side.  Of course, if I am going to sprain my ankle, it has to be the weirdest type of sprain.  I won't have it any other way.

Good news is that it was just a bad sprain, no breaks.

Greater news is that I saved my camera.  Probably made my fall worse.

Bad news is that I missed a killer shot.

~R

The Tree is Up

as usual.  We always put it up the day after Thanksgiving or soon thereafter if we are traveling. I'm not even sure why, but my mom always did, so now I do.

But it was delayed because after getting the durn thing put together and fluffing all the fake branches, I found out several strands of lights were out.  BN was able to get them to come on but was worried about the wiring maybe being loose and causing a fire, so down it came and off to BJs we went.

Now it's up and decorated but the rest of my house is a disaster area.  I had planned to do the trimming and get the house clean...  oh well, it's only Friday...  got plenty of time.

I thought about going out in the madness that is Black Friday, not because I need to buy any special deals but because I like being out in that mess.  Call me crazy, but I like it.  Although sitting here now, feeling tired from what little I did do today, I'm really glad I no longer BF. 

~R

Thermograms

I know October was Breast Cancer awareness month and I missed the boat, but I wanted to put in a plug for thermograms.  Last November after my physical, I scheduled a mammogram as per my doctor's suggestion.  I have to admit that other than the wait and having a strange women pull and tug and rearrange my breasts (oh and not being able to wear deodorant) multiple times, it wasn't so bad.  I'd heard the horror stories of the pain and the squeezing and squashing.

A week or so after that I received a letter stating that there was an area of concern and that I needed to come back for a second mammo and possibly an ultrasound.

Even though we have no family history of cancers and even though my gut told me that it was nothing, in fact it was probably just my fibrous boobs (family history), letters like that will make you pause and cause butterflies in the tummy.

So I called and set a second appointment and then my doctor called that same day to make sure I was scheduling an appointment and then I went.

THIS time it hurt.  The area of concern was on the area closest to my underarm but still on the breast area.  It actually made me cry.  And then they did two ultrasounds.  It took FOREVER.

The whole time I kept thinking, this can't be good for me.  The squishing and the squashing just didn't feel right to me and I vowed to myself and my doctor (who called for a follow up and insisted on a six month mammo to set a baseline) that I would never do this again.

So here we are almost a year later and I'm due for a physical again and I thought I'd be proactive by getting a thermogram.

I highly recommend them.  There's no squeezing, there's no squashing and the results are instantaneous.  I'd love to share my results but I've gotta keep things PG on here and am not in the mood for the type of spam I'd get from that.

Anyhoo, it was just fibrous tissue.  Btw, they aren't covered by insurance.  Figures.

Test you breast,
~R

ps here's a link to Dr. Mercola's site with a video that describes it rather well.
pss it cost me about $200 and I'll gladly pay it again.
psss neither procedure is 100%

D = 33

The other day, Karmyn commented on my blog post about schedules that she was disorganized and couldn't get her chaos under control. 

I've decided that since I turned 40, I am always in some stage of discombobulation.  In fact, I should probably start each post with my number.  You know, like a sleep number, only mine would tell my discombobulation number.

Today...not so bad.  I managed to get everyone up, get to the soccer field on time, clean bathrooms, clean carpets and now I'm settled in for a relaxing night.

~R

I've been thinking...

this would be a good time to take the batteries out of the smoke alarms.

...about a lot of things.  One recurrent theme is selfish and it revolves around a being a stay at home mom.  Wondering what could have been?  How successful would I have become in my career had I put the kids in daycare and then school?

And then once I get over my selfishness, I wonder about my children.  Should I have put them in school?

And I look ahead to when my children are grown and have children of their own and wonder how they will raise them.  Will they want to homeschool?  Will they want me to help and would I be willing?

BN always said that had I continued on my path, I'd be running the company by now.  But back to my questions?  What would that mean for me?  For my family?

And is that our goal in life?  To be at the top of the company we work for?  To "have it all".  What does that get us in then end?  Whether you believe there is an afterlife or you reincarnate or that there is nothing at all after death, why are we here and what are we doing?

I wonder about the purpose of life and realize that all of these concerns can be answered if I find that purpose.

the fire trucks should be bearing down on our house right about now.

I received, in the mail, a christian homeschool magazine.  I don't know how I got it, but there is was and since I'm nosy and love to read, I decided to take peek inside.  About half of the stories I skipped immediately.  Stories about being a "help meet" and "subordinate to my husband" are not stories that interest me.

But one story, amid all the brainwashing, did use a few words I could understand.  She spoke of the seasons of life and how one "can't retire now at age 30-something and then bear children at 60".  And how the seasons of life are "fleeting".

To appease my wandering mind and answer my own questions, I feel like I'm where I need to be.   While there is a tiny part inside me that wants all the recognition (blog much?), it is tiny and as the years pass, that need gets even smaller.

And rather than worry about what ifs of the future, I'll tend this season that I'm in and let the future seasons develop as they will.

~R

Workout - Day One

Was a huge success for me.  I didn't get up early like I wanted to but we managed to get to the gym just after 9am and the boys enjoyed their time in the I-Zone.  I had them bring their DSi's just in case but they didn't need them.

I still need to track someone down who can give me the times that the campers and school kids are not invading the I-Zone.  My kids are not able to do anything if those kids are in the room.  It makes it 3:1 on the games.  Not quite sure why they bring that many kids into that small room anyway.  Two thirds of them plus the stragglers have to sit around waiting for a chance to play.

Anyway, I loved the variety in my workout and at the point I would have just stopped if on my own, I kept going to the suggested number of reps.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

~R

Busy times 'round here.

I feel like I have a million things to do, but in reality, I only have a thousand.

First up on my list is to start back with the yoga. My sons and I laid back on the ottoman and let our heads hang to view the house differently. If you look at the ceiling while upside down long enough, it actually starts to look like a floor. Amazing.

But in the course of doing that, I almost couldn't get back up. My back seemed to have clinched itself into that position and while walking around staring at the sky is fun, after a while I think I'd get bored. Or wreck my van. Or get rain up my nose.

So it's time to limber up. Won't you join me?

~R

It's List Time

It's time for me make a list.  For whatever reason, the day goes by and I've done nothing outside the norm.

The norm being: cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, running the boys to activities, cooking, cleaning, and catching up on Faceb00k.

Then I'm pooped so I sit down in my favorite spot and don't move until bedtime.

I have so many things swirling around in my head and with the nicer weather, I'm feeling like I can do anything.

So far the list is:  Knitting projects, cleaning the office closet so that I can get to all my stuff for organizing my photos to digital scrapbook, ordering gardening seeds and buying compost tea (Because as usual, I didn't make a compost.  Again.)

When I write that all down, it sounds so lame.  Where did my life go?  Oh well, with the sunshine comes renewed hope for more exciting adventures.

What are you doing to shake off the weather doldrums?

~R

Times are changing.

For all of us.  I like to blame it all on last December 11th.  That's when I turned forty.

My older son Pete is 10.  Just the other day he and RePete got all dressed up (costumes) and planned out their play session and just as they were getting started, Pete decided he didn't want to play after all.  RePete was devastated but Pete explained that he just didn't feel into it anymore.  He thinks he has lost his imagination.  I explained to him that he's just getting older and he's starting to develop new interests.  What they are, I'm not sure yet and it got me thinking,


What do kids his age like to do when the "playing" stops?

I can't for the life of me remember back that far.  I know we didn't have video games and Nickelodeon.  What did I do for fun at 10?  I guess it wasn't that fun since I can't remember.  And then there is the fact that we homeschool and he's not preoccupied in a classroom all day so he has to entertain himself or be entertained - and that's a long day.

So what can I do for poor Pete?

RePete is having a hard time losing.  Of course he's 4 years younger than his brother so losing is a daily occurrence around here.  He just started his soccer season and I'm worried he'll have a meltdown on the field.  He's very hard on himself and gets frustrated so easily.  There was a time when he never got upset or had opinions about anything.  Now he upsets daily and will share those opinions, which usually includes the words, "this sucks" or "this is stupid".  Ugh!  There must be a book on sportsmanship out there that I can read.  Need to look for that.

And then there's me.  I walked into that baby super store I used to frequent when mine were little and immediately felt out of place.  I was by myself and didn't have a baby bump.  And honestly, although I spent many hours in there over four years ago, I couldn't find anything.  And then when I found stuff, I couldn't make decisions.  And when did disposable diapers go up $20?  Holy cow, I'm glad mine are out of those.

I think BN is the only one not changing.  The only advice he had for me when I told him that story about the baby store was that he could knock me up if I wanted him to.  Like I said, he hasn't changed.  Still a my BN!

So, yep, things are changing around here.

~R

Facebook - Best of 2009

Once I started Facebooking, I stopped blogging so much and I needed to "preserve" some moments.

Oh my God, I can't believe I found you. I have seriously missed you!!!! No my Mom hasn't changed a bit, trust me. How is Miss Judy your Mom doing? I hope you are all well. I can't wait to catch up. -Katie

Why haven't I packed? Off to the Land of Mouse in two days. - R

Time to celebrate my man's birthday! It's hard to keep topping the last when you've celebrated more than 20 birthdays together. - R

I can see so much of BN in Pete. - Mel

Realized I don't know what to pack to go camping! - R

We FINALLY did our required testing today. Pete is now a 4th grader. The best part of the test was hearing Pete say repeatedly, "I learned this in pre-school." - R

Farm Town is giving me carpal tunnel. - R

NEED FOOD DONATIONS!!! I have my boys (aged 9 and 5), brother (almost 13) and nephew (14). Who knew 4 little people could eat sooo much. - R

How much do you value your photos? Our Mac crashed and I lost all of 2009. I was ready to dig through the maggoty garbage for a disk I threw out. Thankfully, I found a backup. - R

Our boys are bouncing a basketball in their room upstairs while singing along to High School Musical's "Get Your Head in the Game". Sounds like they might come through the ceiling. Is that possible? - R

RePete's first game today. He scored two goals. Added to yesterday's album. - R

Surry Nuclear Power plant and Jamestown tomorrow. Should be interesting. Saying those two in the same sentence is akin to an oxymoron. :o) - R

Petespilledwateronmykeyboard.Nospacekey.Crud! - R

Busy week. Dentist, 19th wedding anniversary and ACL surgery. Fun, Fun. - R

Surgery last Thursday went well. Still very tight and sore, but healing nicely, I think. Post-op visit this Friday. My men have stepped up as I knew they would. Couldn't be in better hands. :o) - R

Brag alert! My son is finally reading chapter books. In fact, we picked up book two in the series and he started reading it on the way home. Woohoo! - R

Off my crutches and drove to the corner store today. Look out! - R

RePete found a locust shell at the zoo today and brought it home. He was thrilled that it stuck to his shirt and named it Sticky. - R

Mark woke me up to "Happy 40th Birthday"! That doesn't seem like a real number. Now to decide...grow old gracefully or stay at 39 forever. lol. - R

RePete got a whoopee cushion from the chiro today and my "not seeing" it everywhere I step is worth every single belly laugh from him. woohoo. good times. - R

~Robinella

April

I can't believe it was just a few posts ago that I typed, "December."

I decided to cut back our extracurricular activities this year so we could focus on school and get some downtime. The constant running was taking its toll on me and the boys. It's worked but it equals Boring Robinella!

We've started back letterboxing. Letterboxing.org A really fun way to explore areas around your town and spend time with your kids. Or friends.

Speaking of friends, Pogo and I have been reunited. Pogo went back to work full time last summer and as it will happen, things haven't been the same. No mid-week visits. Just a sad, sad state. Not to mention we live 40 minutes apart. We've emailed a couple times promising to get together but it never panned out. Her lovely daughter and I are friends on facebook and she finally talked her mom into getting online and that's how it happened. We pm'd a few times and immediately got together for a girl's only night. I hadn't laughed so hard in, well, since last summer. I missed her.

You know, I have always been someone who tries not to impose. BN says I take it too far, meaning that in order not to impose on someone else, I cheat myself. That's what I think happened with Pogo and I. We are a lot alike in that respect. Because she was working and her kids were into nightly school activities, I didn't want to impose on her by trying to take some of her limited time. We are both big on spending time with our families on the weekend and since that was the only time she wasn't working or driving her children to activities, I never tried to get together with her. She had her reasons for not contacting me as well, similar to mine. And then it just snowballed.

After a while, we began to assume the other wasn't interested. It's a confidence thing. And more and more time lapsed between half-hearted emails. We've gotten together with kids and without a few times in the last couple of weeks and I couldn't be happier.

In just the few short months since December and my turning 40, things have become clearer to me. What's important in life is more clear and good friends are right up there at the top.

Robinella and Pogo 3/2010

~Robinella