Sex Education, Part I

...or lack of.

Pete is nine and things that used to go over his head are no longer.

The other day in the car went something like this:

Pete: Mom, why do my testicles hang down?

Me: That's just how you are made.

Pete: But why? Why can't they be inside?

Me: Well, they just are. (thinking) Your body is too hot. They need to be at a cooler temperature. (crap)

Pete: Why?

Me: (how do I get around this? is there any other way?) Well, there's a fluid inside that needs the cooler temperature. If it gets too hot, it'll die. (crappola)

Pete: I'm gonna die!!!

Me: NO! The fluid will die.

Pete: Whydoesthefluiddie?AndwhydoIneedit?Whatisitfor?

Me: (biiiiig breath) Well, Pete, the fluid contains sperm. Sperm is needed to make babies and if it dies, you can't make babies. (work with me here, people, I'm trying to simplify and tell as little as possible, but it isn't working)

Pete: What do you mean? Moms make the babies.

Me: Well, (I couldn't stop using that opener) babies actually require a Dad and a Mom. The sperm from the Dad and the egg from the Mom make the baby.

Pete: You have eggs! (think chicken) Can I see them?

Me: (I go on to explain how tiny they are and that he can't see them)

Pete chews on this information for a bit, then asks the biggie.

Pete: How do Dads and Moms make babies.

Me: Pete, I'm tired right now and I answered your original question. I think the rest should be answered when you are a bit older.

Pete: Mooooom, I'm niiiine!!!!

Me: Right. Ask me again when you are a teenager.

**I thought I was done. I'll share Part II tomorrow.**

~R

M-I-C

Since my last post, I've literally been attached at the hip with my iPod. I decided that since all the books were checked out and I already had the next four books on cd checked out, I would give it another try.

It took a while to stop concentrating on the narrator's voice. After that, it wasn't so bad. I only used one earbud and I was able to do all of my household things while I listened. I was even able to carry on conversations with the kids and BN while listening. Oh and teach math! How's that for multi-tasking.

After a few days, BN told me that he would rather I plain ignored him and read the books than to see me with my new accessory. He said he could never tell if I was listening to the cd or him and if I hesitated for even a smidge before I answered him, he assumed I was ignoring him. Pete kept yelling at me because he thought I couldn't hear him. I never let on that I could. *snicker*

So I decided to go back to the books and I've finished them all. I saw the title of the last book and without really looking at the author, put it on hold at the library. Of course when I picked it up, I found it wasn't the right book and then found out the latest one won't be out until May! Waahhh!

Oh and it took a long time before I could "hear" the male characters with an actual male voice in my head. I had that damn narrator's version of a male in my head. And the accents. Blech!

Anyhoo, on a positive note, I learned how to upload cds to iTunes and how to put them on my iPod. And I learned that listening to an iPod 24 hours a day will cause your ears to wax over, or maybe it was her voice. Either way, I am still feeling the effects of that. Very annoying.

Packing and playdate tomorrow.

So let's end in a song.

M-I-C, See you real soon. K-E-Y, Why? Because I like you. Now I'll go vo-mit.

~R

Summer Creases

...second verse, same as the first. Or I magically lost the first writing and have to do it again. *sigh*

Do you know what summer creases are? It's when you iron a crease in something but mess up and wind up with more than one line. Get it? Some are (summer) here and some are there. I learned that in the Navy and I get a kick out of it...especially since I haven't ironed anything in probably ten years.

Okay so now that the brain dump is complete, let's move on.

I get to leave for the Land of the Mouse in 9 days. This will be our third time in five years. I think I am over it now. I'd rather head out west and see natural wonders or rent an RV and hit the road.


Anyhoo, I finished knitting a hat for BN just in time for summer.

~R

Reading? Fun?

I have to put this in writing. I bought some small books that use all the Dolche words within the stories for Pete. We are working on fluency and these will do just that.

Today, I had him read the first few stories in the first book and he actually said, "These are kind of fun."

"Gasp, gasp, sputter, sputter," said I.

THEN, Pete said, "I think I will take this book with me to DisneyWorld so I'll have something to read on the way there."

More gasping and more sputtering from me.

I'm in heaven, y'all.

~R

ps There are four books in that series and they cover primer through grade three dolche words and the nouns. Not too babyish for older readers.

Valentines

Yes, that day is a commercial disaster.

For twenty years or so, I've been telling BN that buying me flowers is not necessary. In fact, if you've gotta buy something, buy me a plant. It'll last a whole lot longer.

I've also told him that gifts aren't necessary...until this year. I love me some Vera Bradley and since I've purchased from her a time or two before, I get these little postcards in the mail that say something like, "A Special Gift Just for You". For me? And I only have to spend $65 to get the special gift? It's on, baby!

This early February, true to the commercial spirit, Vera sent me a postcard. I tossed it to the side (my effort at saving us money) and out of the corner of my eye, I saw BN surreptitiously pick it up. He didn't ask me about it until about 2 days before Valentines. I sent him an email with a link to the bag I wanted the next day. He laughed and ordered it.

I can't wait to get it. Darn that Valentines - suckered us again.

Bags are packed...

...Or we still have 39 days until our trip.

BN and I decided to stimulate the economy a little by taking a trip to Disney World. We told the boys we were checking on dates available since we wanted to take advantage of the" buy four get three more" deal. They both immediately ran upstairs to "pack their bags" before we even finished telling them the good news.

When we go on long trips, I always encourage the boys to pack a backpack with things they'll miss from home - toys they might want to play with during downtime. I decided to check out their bags and see what is important to them at this stage in their life. I feel guilty but the curiostity is killing me.

REPETE'S

Power Rangers, Ironman, Batman, empty Nerf gun, binoculars, stuffed dog and Nemo cell phone.

PETE'S

Ironman x 2, watch, empty camera case?, binoculars, wallet (not empty), Tech Deck collector cards, chirping bird, Connect Four game, pen and notepad, candy and gum (contraband!!)

What's funny about this to me is that it is so typical of their ages. Four years ago, Pete would have packed the same stuff as RePete and in fact, I think he did - minus Ironman (he wasn't popular back then). And now, Pete is so grown up. The wallet (BNs old one), his watch, pen and paper, less toys. As his mom, those crack me up. The candy and gum might mysteriously disappear.

I vow in front of the whole entire blogworld, or all three of my blog friends, that in another four years I will NOT go through Pete's bag. He will be 13 (gasp). I sure will be curious though.

~R

I learned about parenting...

from Captain Underpants.

If you have not read these books to your boys (or rowdy girls), then you are all missing out on funny stuff. Not to mention parental insight.

Just today, I read volume eight to RePete and had to edit my rules about saying such things as butt, poop, pee pee, and on and on. George and Harold observed that for the first few years of a child's life, the parents talk daily of poop and pee. They ooh and ahh every little tinkle and turd. They give the kids balloons, candy,...parties and other such goodies. I even posted pictures! *gasp* All in the name of excrement.

THEN, the child is potty trained and suddenly saying things like poop and pee are taboo. The young ones are hushed and the parents are mortified. Why is that?

Such a wonderful point to ponder.