Saturday, September 19, 2009

Adult Time?

WARNING Self-Righteous Post Alert
If I'm wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Forget socialization. This is the question about being a stay at home mom and homeschooling that boils my blood. Some of you may take this personally and for that I am truly sorry. This "logic" applies to me and my brood and if you take something away from here, then I'm happy to be of service.

Adult Time? "I need me time." "I need to be around other adults to feel complete." "I would go crazy being around my kids all the time." People actually wrote these things with regard to their children.

On that same thread about socialization, so many folks claimed they could never homeschool because they couldn't stand being around their children so much. ??? They needed that time away to be an adult. To do adult things.

My first instinct, because I am hot headed is to ask, "Why even bother having children if they disrupt your adult time so much." "They didn't ask to be in your way, a hindrance to your personal growth, so why torture yourself so."

But I try really hard to squelch that nasty part of myself. Karma and all that.

Now on the one hand, I get it. I really do. When my boys fight over who has more dirt in their pile, I want to throw the towel in. When they've reached their hundred questions per day limit, I want to throw the towel in. When I just want to read one more blog chapter or go to the bathroom by myself, I get needing that adult time.

And I get that some people want it all. Not everyone wants to stay home or homeschool. Career and families? Perfect! I love it! But if you start making comments like those above, using your career to avoid your children, then shame on you.

The way I see it is this. I'll probably live to see my eighties, maybe my nineties. I take reasonably good care of myself. The period of time my children are with me day in/day out? A mere 18 years. So mathematically, assuming I live to 90, I spent the first third of my life a free bird. I'll spend less than a quarter of my life caring for my children and then I'll have about half of my life to again do as I may, including taking a crap in private. (I don't actually want to work out the fractions, so don't add that up, pretty please.)

And then I'll hope that my adult children want to call me from time to time to chat.

That span of time the kids are in our home is so short. Sure, I'll gripe and complain from time to time. But in the end, I'm glad I didn't miss one single minute. I'll be glad I was there when...

But that's just me.



  1. I've bitten back that reply before... if you don't have time to do A, B or C for your kid because you're too busy taking care of yourself, and if you don't want to deal with 'kid' stuff, then WHY DID YOU HAVE CHILDREN??!! Did you just think you could take 'em back if it didn't work out?


    I never did the math that way, but used to do a demo when recruiting girl scout leaders.

    It's partway down the page here:

    Very effective in getting people to think.

    Once, I was fed up with kids for the day and told my son LEAVE ME ALONE SO I CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM!!! DO NOT TALK TO ME UNTIL I COME OUT!!

    And about five minutes later, a note slid under the bathroom door.

    "Dere mom, can i have a cookiee plese?'

    He spells better now. And doesn't bother me while I go to the bathroom.

  2. I love that Girl Scout idea. Brought tears to my eyes. Love the note from your son.

  3. I have felt much the same way! It used to irk me to no end when people thought I was wrong to stay home with my children! I did not have my children to let a babysitter raise them - duh!

  4. I agree, up to the point of those who meant to have kids and who knew what they were getting into. But I know some folks who really are doing their kids a favor to let the babysitter raise them, so there's that also.

  5. I wish I'd have home schooled. Well -- I'm not sure I would have done a good job.

  6. So I agree with Lisa and I get what Sara is saying too. I did not mean to have my first child. I was thrown into parenthood way before I wanted to or was ready to be a parent. I did need me time and went out and got a job, put my first born in daycare. I was young and dumb and simply not ready, personally I was not mature enough either. By the time he was 2 and a half I was done. I choose to be a SAHM and I have never looked back. I would never want to give up being here and seeing them grow, develop and learn.But, I am glad that I can send them off to school and get some of that me time that any parent no matter what they choose to do needs to keep their cup full. I know that I am no good to my kids if my cup is bone dry.
    I am having some issues with MM's education and am seriously considering homeschooling him. But I know that even if I do decide to to do that I will find a way to still get in some respite for myself. If not for me for the sake of my kids.
    Thank you for my mini-guest post in your comment section!

    Like you I will look back and be glad that I was there when...

  7. K- I've said it before. I love guest posters. I guess since I didn't mention it, people will think I never leave my family. MOM time/ couple time and all is VERY important. In fact, I am going to a Mom's Night Out tonight. My beef was with those who truly seemed not to like being around their kids or who used school or work as their excuse. If the public schools around here were better, I may not have homeschooled. I am not anti-school or anti-moms-who-use-public-schools. To each her own. It was just about those hateful bitches I witnessed over there. Grrr. Nothing but love and you know that, ~R

  8. Hi there! Glad to have come across your blog, it makes for an interesting read. I find myself doing this already (desperately craving "me-time") and my firstborn is only three months old. I feel guilty but at the same time I consider the fact that, except to sleep, I have not been apart from her since she was born more than once a week for a couple hours at the most. My husband and I were stationed across the country away from family so it's not like we can even leave her with parents and have couple time. It really gets to me sometime. I too, like Kaytabug up there, was made a parent long before I was ready for it. I think it's reasonable to assume that mothers who plan for their children probably have a better time coping with having to do without as much me-time as they previously had. My husband and I were pretty social and went out all the time, together and apart, and it's a whole different story now and has affected our relationship. I feel like we get frustrated a lot now that we don't have as much money, time or a care provider frequently enough to do our own things that we often get snappy with each other.

  9. Gigi,
    Hang in there honey! Ami, Lisa, and Pam above have children much older than my 9 and 5 year olds and they are so wise. Two of them are even grandparents now!

    Maybe you and some of your friends overseas (I'm assuming military) can swap some "me-time" even if just for an hour or two during the day. Or you can start a Mom's Club where you get together and let your little ones roll around and play. Then you and the other Moms can talk big girl stuff. :o)

    Follow this link. There are international chapters as well.
    And here's the link for MOPS:

    When my oldest was eight months old, post partum hit me hard! I joined the Y because they had childcare while I worked out and I met a mom who told me about Moms Clubs. Who knew? I swear I thought I was the only stay at home mom since all of my friends were working gals and I hadn't met any others yet.

    You definitely need to find other stay at home mommas. You'll talk about your babies A LOT but the adult interaction is worth it.

    Peace to you. ~R

  10. I like what you said here. We have always said, "if we don't like our kids, it's OUR FAULT for raising them to be unlikeable."

    I so want to homeschool. I'm constantly frustrated with them being gone so much, learning so little, and the insane bureaucracy to boot.

    What I loved is the mom at the school complaining about how her kindergartner asked so many questions that she had to pass him off to his dad at 5:00 p.m. every day "just so I can have 5 minutes of peace and quiet!" I thought - um, okay, so what about those 7 hours a day when he is at school and you're just hanging out at home? What about that? Why did you have this kid, if 2 hours of contact with him makes you crazy?

    People are amazing.

  11. Well said. I have friends with kid in school and granted they work OUTSIDE the home, but those few hours after school just about does them in???? Sad state.


How sweet of you to drop by.