Will someone please take away my driver's license? I mean really.
I haven't had a ticket since I was 22 years old. I made what they deemed an illegal U-turn. To this day, I still disagree, but whatever. Fast forward 12 years and the birth of Repete. It was also at this time that I traded in my small car for a small SUV. I don't know what kind of fatal synapses thing happened in my brain that year but I now search out and destroy parked unmanned cars.
In fact last Spring right around this timeframe, I backed into a cart pusher. Not the actual kid, the little self-propelled machine that helps the kid push 400 shopping carts back to the store. I saw the cart pusher, I made a mental note not to back into it and then I stepped on the gas. Vrooom! Craash! My insurance company sent us a letter that said, "Dear Madam: Your driving sucks and we are making a fortune!"
So, this December marked three years since I acquired the first of six tickets/accident claims and it "fell off my record". We received a letter from the insurance company that said, "Well, this just stinks, but we have to lower your premiums a wee bit." I'm so glad that happened because...
This past Monday, I sought out the biggest unmanned parked SUV in the Chuck E. Cheese parking lot and rammed right into it. What the hell is wrong with me? I spent the first 17 years of my driving career, the part where I drove a sports car and thought I was so cute, without incident. Is it the kids screaming and distracting me? Has staying home these last eight years really turned me into a babbling idiot incapable of driving a vehicle? (don't answer that)
I bet I get another "Yipee, we're rich." letter from the insurance company next month. I just hope they don't cancel on us.
I may just voluntarily hand over my license.